Please remove your eyeballs. Now read to me the writing on the back.
I can’t read anything.
You can’t make out any of the letters in the top line?
Of course not! My eyeballs are out. I can’t see anything when my eyeballs are out.
All right. Go ahead and put them back in. Now read to me what’s written on the back.
I can’t see the back of my own eyeballs.
In that case please remove them and hold them exactly one foot in front of your eye sockets.
Okay. (Pause.)
Can you read the top line now?
No. I can’t see anything.
That’s too bad. It looks like you aren’t qualified for a vision license.
A vision license? You mean I need a license to see?
Of course. That’s why you’re here at D-M-V-E, the Department of Mandatory Vision Exams.
The test doesn’t seem fair. Couldn’t you take your eyeballs out and let me read what’s written on the back?
That wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t be able to see, so I couldn’t verify that you were reading the letters correctly.
But don’t you already know what the letters are? You must have passed the test, since you’re a Certified Vision Exam Administrator.
When I passed my test I did read the letters correctly, all the way to the bottom line. But I didn’t memorize them. They’re just random letters. I forgot what they were almost as soon as I’d read them.
What if I remove my eyeballs and show you what’s written on the back, and then you remove yours and let me pop them into my sockets so I can read what’s on the back of mine, using your eyeballs?
I’m sorry, that would be cheating.
Okay, I withdraw that suggestion. But…I still don’t understand this business of needing a license to see.
Seeing is powerful. It needs to be licensed and regulated to ensure that only qualified people see.
But didn’t humanity get along just fine during all those centuries when nobody needed a license to see?
Yes, but that was a very different world. Today’s complex society is terrifyingly vulnerable to dangers posed by reckless, unregulated seeing.
What’s so dangerous about seeing?
If you’ve read your Vision License Exam Handbook, you should know the importance of safe seeing.
I must have forgotten that part. What’s safe seeing?
As the Handbook explains, safe seeing is like safe driving. When you’re driving, you can’t just look at whatever you want. You need to keep your eyes on the road. If you don’t, you pose a threat to yourself and others.
But when I’m not driving?
Same thing. If you train yourself to see only those things that are meant to be seen, you can see safely. But an untrained seer who sees unsafely can threaten the very foundations of our society.
How could seeing harm our society? Seeing…what, exactly?
I think you know the answer to that question.
You mean like…Building 7? (Sirens.) Ruby shooting Oswald? (Approaching sirens getting louder.) Epstein and Trump? (Tires squealing, doors opening, TAC squad officers barking commands.) Epstein and Israel? (DMVE office door explodes inward.) What’s going on in Gaza? (“Get on the ground!”) Sde Teiman? (“ON THE GROUND, I SAID!”) Eyes Wide Shut? (Explosive cacophony of gunshots.)
